A Marauder's Memory
by Adelaide E
Summary: Lily had seen past the charm and sexy hair, and thought them immature boys. To them, she was a fearsome but lovely girlfriend. As he recalls teenage amour and antics, James hopes his son will endure the same enjoyable aggravation.


Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns James Potter, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, Harry Potter, etc…here borrowed for non-profit, purely entertainment reasons.

Author's notes: For some odd reason, I was in the mood for both Marauder shenanigans, and then a bit of sadness as well. I'm sorry if this fic is mildly strange, but it couldn't be helped. Warning: This fic lacks Brooding! Sirius, Torn! Peter, and Mature! Remus. They're just teenage boys in this one, folks. Stupid, lovable teenage boys.

A Marauder's Memory

by Adelaide E

xoxox

Why think of it now? What was the use? He knew how it ended. He knew what was to come.

It was like reading a book you hated. Not because it was badly written, and not because your professor had forced you to mindlessly memorize plot details. You hated it because you loved it, you loved every agonizing word, even though it ended in a way that seared your insides to cold, unsurprised ashes.

So why think of it now?

Because the last look he had seen on her face had been heart breaking, soul crushing. And James wanted to remember his wife's smile.

xoxox

"Do you think we'll have a happy ending?"

What a strange question. James looked up from his open book and earnestly met Lily Evan's gaze from across the library table. He expected something else when he heard her sigh hesitantly. Something like, I hope we do well on our exams, or, Why oh why won't you comb your hair properly?

Not something like that.

He looked at her, noticing how, even in the frail light of the library–which, he noted grouchily, was very wrong for the eyes of those who wished to study–that she was fetching. Even when shadowed by these musty walls and surrounded by the stale atmosphere of studying, she was very fetching.

Oh, of course she wasn't _fetching_. She was beautiful, ravishing, et cetera...It was just that, whenever James actually used those terms to describe her, Lily would only laugh and tell him that he sounded like a trite romance paperback.

So, in an effort to avoid "Barbara Carter" vocabulary, whatever the hell that meant, James presently believed Lily Evans to be a jolly old girl. She liked to be called "fair" not pale, though, really James saw not the difference. Lily _was_ pale, and a very pretty sort of pale, the kind with surprising freckles here and there. It was always fun, finding those freckles, and it was always difficult, stifling his laughter when she lamented each discovery.

James tilted his head while he held off answering, studying her further. She was what one foolhardy bloke would call delicate. Spiritually, mentally, and verbally, no, "delicate" was not the proper description. But she was. She was eloquence personified, each feature slender and graceful and utterly adorable. Lily tended to disagree, and mutter rubbish about her forehead–which James did not find offensive at all–but that was Evans for you. Knowing the wonderfulness of about everything except herself.

He loved her. That much was certain–even if he forgot her birthday, even if he tended to confuse her zodiac sign with Sirius', even if he forgot her explicit "No kissing until exams are done" rules–he would always remember his love for her. For that reason alone, he should have answered affirmatively, with no hint of doubt whatsoever.

But James Potter was male, seventeen, and not the smartest wizard in Hogwarts.

"Huh?"

"Do you think," she repeated patiently, keeping her voice low, "that you and I will have a happy ending?"

Good god in heaven! Was she talking about marriage?

Because, to be truthful, James did not like the idea of marriage. What was the point of that useless little piece of paper and those manacle-like rings? It was the sentiment that counted. If she loved him as much as he loved her, then she would be a sensible female and take his word of everlasting love as enough. The idea of being married by judge, jury, or God was so...conventional. Boring. Adult-ish.

He pondered the merits of the word "adult-ish" when she continued, the subject apparently cooling her usually short temper with him.

"Because...well, people who fall in love so young rarely have a happy ending."

"Do you know anybody who's fallen in love at our age?"

"Besides _us_ you mean?"

Oh. There was that dangerous, Lily-Evans-is-brewing sort of tone. "Of course I meant besides us," he immediately snapped, covering his fear with impatience. "To point out that we–the most in love couple Hogwarts has ever seen...aside from Sirius and his mirror, I mean–are in love is deplorably redundant. Really, Lily. I'm disappointed in you."

She was, as he expected, pleased with the response. James arched a black brow when, distractedly, she pushed her open book and parchment aside. Where did that Stern Studying rule go to? To hell, for all James cared as he nonchalantly did the same. He also leaned forward as his girlfriend did the same to speak in a quiet, confiding manner.

"I saw something in my tea leaves today," she said gravely.

James stifled the urge to snort. While he admired Lily's ability to trust every subject Hogwarts had to offer, he couldn't help but doubt the amount of application she used her knowledge. A romantic picnic under the stars tended to turn into an astronomy lesson.

"A hair?" he drawled aloofly. "The house elves are shedding this time of year, I've heard."

"Not everybody is as hair obsessed as you are, James."

True, James occasionally tousled his hair in a fashion designed to drive the ladies wild. And it still did; just the wrong ladies. Whenever James happened to automatically aim for sexiness with the wonder that was his jet black tresses, Lily would grab hold of his strong jaw–she had to tip toe for that, which James liked– and threaten to shave it all off. Then she would kiss him, which made the horrifying threats so much more bearable.

"Perhaps if they were, the hair would stay on their heads," James rejoined. He made an encouraging motion. "What did you see?"

"Well...either it was certain doom...or a lightning shape."

"Are you sure it wasn't a bunny shape? Because that means Certain Doom by Lightning."

"James, I would really appreciate it if you looked at the matter more closely."

James was too busy chuckling at his own joke–quietly muttering "doom by lightning..."–to immediately react. Then, he leaned back, so that he could stare at her green eyes, her cute lips, and her red hair with more ease.

Also, so that _his_ foot could reach _her_ foot with more ease–

"Ow!" he exclaimed, immediately ducking under the table to check on his shin. "Bloody hell Lily! You've probably bruised the bone!"

"What did I tell you about that sort of behaviour in the library?" Lily huffed, leaning back in her chair with crossed arms.

"If you get to prattle on about your beverage residue, I get to play footsie," he told her in a muffled voice, still observing his leg with a pout.

"It was not merely beverage residue!" she exclaimed in exasperation. "It was a sign!"

"Yes," he agreed, coming into her view once more, hair more tousled than ever. Absently, he began to pat the black locks down without much success. "A sign that you've been spending way too much time studying. Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting that the Gryffindor Quidditch team allow first years to play."

"James really. This is no time to be absurd. I had three cups and I found the same sign in all three–"

"And did these signs point you towards the loo?"

"No, James, honestly–"

"Well, no wonder you're hallucinating bunnies in a cup," he declared with a knowing shake of his head. "Go on, go on. Relieve your bladder and come back with more sanity."

"Do you _want_ to be too injured for the next Quidditch match?" Lily warned.

"Trick question?" James parried, pretending to ponder the threat and refusing to be intimidated.

"James."

This time he actually straightened his posture at the tone. Inside, he was hanging his head in shame. The things he did for this woman. Study. Comb his hair. Initiate rounds of footsie, which she _secretly_ liked but was far too shy to admit it. Make sure she made trips to the potty. Debate the importance of the rubbish in her afternoon tea.

"This is important to me. I'm so sorry if my concerns about our future annoy you so much. Remus took my past observations seriously enough."

Oh well shit.

She just had to play that Remus card, didn't she?

James was not jealous of his friend. Far from it. Undergo excruciating, insane, mind altering transformations once a month? Sounded like your average nightmare. That, or female problems.

There were times when James heartily wished that they could cure Remus' lupine condition. It was damned difficult to want to punch a man who occasionally endured the most pitying of circumstance.

They were simply so alike, many liked to point out. Remus was the male version of Lily. Lily was the female version of Remus. James thought that Remus was a male version of himself, and Lily was a female version of herself, and that it was a sad indication of the student body's intelligence level to be switching genders to and fro like that.

Oh, _all right_, so they were both brilliant. And, _okay_, they liked to solve things and figure out puzzles. And, he _supposed_, they were both wise, patient, and nauseously peaceful.

But that didn't meant that they belonged together!

James was abruptly aware of his tense and rigid stance, and relaxed in his seat once more.

"Bully for Remus. Did he find a secret magical kingdom under the biscuit plate?"

"Argh!"

Well. So scathing sarcasm wasn't the best path to take. Come to think of it, Scathing Sarcasm never did bode well for James when he conversed with Lily, and perhaps it was high time to abandon that well worn road?

He watched silently as she hurriedly gathered her things and then march away from the table. The other students regarded him curiously, and, try as he could, James could not credit this to his fantastically athletic build.

The next day, James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus found themselves one girl short as they ate lunch. If not for the strange feeling of eating with an even number of people present, one might have mistaken it for a lovely picture. Any window and door not magically sealed had been thrown open in an effort to persuade the pleasant outdoors to find its way in. Blinding sunlight spotlighted their meals as they sat in discomfort. It was strange, they were aware silently, to be eating without somebody expressing their disgust at the sight of open mouths and chewed food. And it all had to do with the shortage of one pretty girl.

Peter observed this.

"Nonsense, Peter," Sirius replied affably. "You're here, and I say you'd be very pretty after puberty."

Remus hid his smile as he bit into a sandwich. Then he noticed James watching him with unusual attention, and questioned his friend what was the matter.

"Nothing," James answered absently. "Just hoping that you'll choke."

"What?" Remus asked, alarmed, while the other two males forgot their quibbling to hear what had startled Lupin so suddenly.

James' brown eyes widened, and he abruptly realised that he had spoken aloud. "I said 'You shouldn't smoke'," he quickly fibbed.

"But he doesn't," Sirius spoke up, feeling just as confused as Peter usually looked.

"Well...good," James continued forcefully, looking away. "Because it's probably bad for you."

"Thank you for that," Remus retorted, finishing his meal. "I'm going to drink my juice now–unless you have an interesting fact about that?"

"I'd like to drown you in it," James muttered under his breath, looking away once more. Before he could blink nor deny anything, Sirius was at his side.

"I say, James," Sirius said happily, face adjacent to his own, "What do you keep looking at all the time? Not Matilda's figure, I hope? Because I heard it's all tissue."

"No," Peter exclaimed, boyish interest alighting his weak face. "Her chest is padded?"

"Don't be an imbecile. Her arse."

"Can we not talk about Matilda's cushiony soft, highly absorbent body?" Remus snapped. "James is threatening bodily harm!"

"It's only you," Sirius dismissed the matter airily. "It's not as if you're terribly important. James could tear you to a bloody, gory mess, and I wouldn't care."

"Ooh, ooh, then we'd ask Matilda to clean up the mess with her stuffing," Peter suggested with a giggle.

"The bond between friends is surely unbreakable," Remus sighed wryly.

"I"m not threatening bodily harm," James argued sheepishly. "I'm just dreaming of it."

"There, see?" Sirius patted Remus' shoulder comfortingly. "The only place you should fear him is in his own, distorted, appallingly slow mind."

James began to protest this when Sirius raised a hand to stop him. "And on the Quidditch pitch, of course," he added, which placated Potter immensely.

"James," Remus said pleasantly. "Any particular reason you'd want me to choke on my food and drown in my drink?"

"It sounds like a bad drama," Peter noticed.

"It sounds like a happy ending," James corrected grudgingly. With an air of surrender, he explained. "Lily–"

"Somehow, I knew that she was the cause of your distraction," Sirius commented. "She's angry, is she? Otherwise, she'd be eating here with us...or did you drown her in her tea, James?"

"That's just it! She's convinced her tea foretold our doom the other day!"

"Nonsense," Peter scoffed.

"Yes," Remus agreed, highly amused. "Ground coffee beans are much more accurate."

Was this how Lily felt, James wondered, when he refused to take her seriously the other night? If so, she was the very soul of patience. If one of his best friends spouted another silly, unhelpful remark, James would have cheerfully sacrificed him to a giant squid.

"...the tea from a tray in the common room," Sirius was saying to the others knowingly, "then I wager she _thought _she saw something. I added a little something extra to that tea pot."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Remus moaned, closing his eyes.

"What? It helps me relax!" Black said defensively.

"But you didn't take tea yesterday," Peter pointed out, confused. Then Sirius smiled easily, shrugging with a blameless expression.

"True. I had been hoping you would take a cup or two." Peter Pettigrew let out an indignant squawk, but Sirius refused to feel guilty. "Come now, Peter, you're amusing enough as you are. Think how utterly hilarious you'd be if you were high!"

"She took tea in her room," James cut through the conversation. "And she said she had three cups–don't make bladder jokes or I swear I will disembowel you, Sirius–and that they all said the same thing."

"Which was?" Remus asked.

"Doom. Or Lightning."

"If you dwell upon it, the second inevitably means the first..." Peter was saying, and was hushed.

"There's no point in discussing this," Sirius decided with the air of a worldly king. He even fluttered his hand in a dismissive, nonchalant way, causing James to want to chop the royal appendage off. "You two love each other. It's obvious. Love conquers all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, knuts don't grow on trees..."

"What does that last one have to do with anything?" James sputtered.

Peter guffawed so loudly that the other three looked at each other uneasily, wondering if he was suffering some sort of respiratory attack. "No wonder she's always mad at you, James," Peter finally said. "You never focus on the right thing."

"Can I help it if I need glasses?" James sighed, asking the heavens with a victimized frown.

"Oh for the love of–" Remus nearly blasphemed, but checked himself in time. "No matter. The point is, you're not really going to let your pride and some tea leaves butcher your love for her–"

"I am not proud," James protested heatedly.

"It may not have been _one hundred percent _leaves of the tea," Sirius began at the same time.

"You do love her, don't you?" Peter asked James with curiosity. James shifted, looking distinctively uncomfortable, hating the piercing nature of his friends' gazes and Peter's inability to keep things to himself.

"You have to," Peter continued, almost like a little boy slowly but surely analysing a very difficult math problem. "Because we've let her into our group. She knows most of our secrets. And you comb your hair for her. You must love her."

Despite the lack of eloquence, the other two friends were inclined to agree with Peter's rather dodgy explanation. James scratched his head, half annoyed and half puzzled.

"We...ah...that is to say...the 'L' word hasn't been introduced to the premises quite yet."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, too surprised to maintain his usual aloof wit.

"Because 'L' will most certainly lead us to 'M.'"

"Well, James," Sirius said, very sincerely, clapping his friend's shoulder, "you can't go around changing the alphabet just because Lily don't like it."

A beat passed before anybody spoke.

"Right," James blurted cheerfully. "So. I'm going to kill him. Does anybody mind if I kill him?"

Nobody offered a good reason of homicidal prevention. Not even Sirius, who was too puzzled as to why Remus was giving one of those "You're so sadly stupid it's actually funny" looks to save himself.

"What's the 'M' word?" Sirius said after he had pried James hands from around his wind pipe. "Mammary?"

"Marriage," Remus sighed.

"Moo-ha-ha!" Peter crowed triumphantly.

"What in the bloody hell is a moo-ha-ha?" James demanded, far too surprised to blush at Remus' correct assessment.

"It sounds something Kreecher served at least year's Christmas," Sirius murmured to himself, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"Actually, I was thinking more of a brouhaha, except with cows," Peter explained sheepishly.

This time Pettigrew was subjected to Remus' pitying stare, while James picked at his robes with a distinct sulkiness.

"Any way, all bovine creatures aside–"

"Creature!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed.

"Congratulations, Black," Remus spoke up dryly. "You pass the secret hearing test."

"I've never noticed it before," Sirius breathed, eyes wide with wonder. "Kreecher and Creature! They're the same thing! All these years, I've been calling it a 'horrible creature,' not knowing I've been having pun! Ha! There goes another one!"

The rest of the company was not quite as jubilant at this belated discovery as Sirius Black was, so, after a few more giddy explanations for which nobody cared, James was allowed to explain his situation further.

"What's the matter with marriage?" Peter asked sensibly. "Your parents are married. Sirius' parents are married. My parents are married. Remus' parents are married. Lily's parents are–"

"Pirates," Sirius finished distractedly. Suddenly finding himself as the potential target of three wands belonging to three impatient wizards, he shrugged innocently. "Oh, I was joking, of course. Still. Peter was getting rather repetitive, don't you think?"

"I'm seventeen!" James exclaimed in disgust. "Marriage shouldn't even be apart of my vocabulary!"

"James," Remus interrupted sensibly, "I think you're reading too much into this."

Sirius was good best friend, James noted, for he sided with him. The words were slightly insulting, but the intention was good. "Don't accuse James of reading! I bet you do it all the time, fiend," he accused Remus with a disgusted sneer.

The heated order only made the others laugh and did not help James' cause. He continued passionately, "It's unnatural to be thinking about marriage when you're still in school!"

"Do you think Lily'll be expelled for unnaturality?" Peter asked worriedly.

"Only once unnaturality becomes an official word," Sirius assured him. "And that'll take years. I'm still petitioning for 'wumblegottensmidt.'"

"More to the point," James spat, "I won't. It's unnecessary. To have a ring and the like to prove my love is insulting. What I feel for Lily is more than those material things."

"Damn, James," Sirius said with some surprise. "If you need money for the jewelry and the license I'd be happy to–"

"I didn't even know you needed a license!" James pathetically complained. "Who's going to make sure I'd have it any way? The matrimonial police?"

"Of course you need a license," Remus interrupted curtly. "For taxes and such. Face the facts, James. You're going to marry Lily Evans. You're going to get a cozy little house in a cozy little town, and have dozens of hairy little babies–"

"I don't want hairy babies!"

"If they're bald, James," Peter pointed out, "then they'll be teased." They all trusted Peter on this opinion since, out of the four, Pettigrew possessed the most knowledge of being teased.

"I'm not going to marry! I'm not going to marry Lily Evans! I'll stay unmarried if it's the last thing I do!"

_Ouch._

No, wait, that wasn't quite adequate to describe this icy fear that had squeezed his heart.

_Ouch-fuckin-hell-oh-my-damn-what-the-bloody-shit– _

"She's behind me, isn't she?" James whispered, voice taking an unprecedented tremble.

"As the laws of nature would have it," Remus murmured sympathetically.

Slowly, oh so slowly, James turned to meet Lily's furiously cold green gaze.

"I highly doubt," she said very calmly–too calmly, James knew, to be _truly _calm–"that there will be very many girls who will be willing to change your unmarried frame of mind."

James braced himself, unconsciously leaning back just a bit. Lily's hair always whipped at his eyes when she did that dramatic departure thing, and sometimes, even his spectacles did not protect him. It was as if that even her _hair_ was angry enough to defy physics.

But...

Um...

Er...

"You're not leaving?" James asked curiously.

Sirius coughed something that suspiciously sounded like "Stupid arse who does not know when to shut up."

"Would you like a cough drop?" Lily asked Sirius, eyes never leaving James' nervous ones.

"No thank you, Lily."

"You're still here," James noticed cautiously.

"Yes."

James' eyes slid left to right, as if expecting a trick to reveal itself.

"Because you're going to hit me?" he asked.

"No."

"Because you're going to hex me," James decided, a little bit happier, now that he knew his fate.

"No."

If not for the fact that his mother had once told him that little girls were made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, James would have suspected that Lily was sadistically enjoying his heightened fear.

"Because you're going to try and convince me that marriage is okay," James tried, attempting defiance.

What was that thudding noise? Oh, thank Merlin, nothing important. Just Remus banging his head on the table.

"No," Lily smiled. "I'm still here because I have yet to eat lunch. Scoot over, will you, Peter?"

Peter obliged, and, much to everybody's amazement, Lily proceeded to have a very quiet and not at all volatile meal. She did, however, slap away James' hand when he reached for her food, but she did this at every lunch, so it was not something notable.

He should have felt relieved. He should have been able to finish his meal in blessed peace. No marriage. She had no urge whatsoever to sway him to the dark side. Lily Evans was possibly the only girl in school who did not want to drag her boyfriend to the altar, and her boyfriend happened to be particularly anti-altar. This was good. This was okay. He could live with this.

"Why the bloody hell don't you want to marry me?" he suddenly exploded, causing a startled Sirius to choke on his crisps.

While Peter frantically attempted the Hiemlich maneuver and Remus slowly and carelessly advised him, Lily merely raised an eyebrow with innocent surprise.

"Well..." she began delicately. "I'm only seventeen..."

"Is it because I'm older than you? Is that why? Did your mother tell you not to marry somebody older than you?"

Lily had the gall to roll her eyes. She actually rolled her eyes. At a critical moment like this! "By a few months, James, really. You're not robbing the cradle."

Sirius, having successfully dislodged the obstruction and heartily punching Remus for his appalling lack of concern, managed to hear only the last word. "Cradle! Sorry mate. I'm afraid you'll have to marry her now, or I'll trounce you."

"I'm not pregnant," Lily corrected with a laugh–which, James believed, sounded much too relieved to be less than insulting. Didn't she want children with him? Didn't she want James Juniors running around? Self consciously, he ran his hands through his hair.

"They won't be bald," he argued.

"I'm sure they won't," Lily agreed sedately.

"You don't know what I'm talking about," James accused.

"No, not really," Lily admitted. "But, really, don't make a scene."

"Don't make a–nobody's making a scene, Lily. And you've never cared what other people thought before."

"Well, this time it's different. This time, I am hungry. My stomach takes precedence over your fear of spinsterhood."

James was grinding his teeth, his jaw tensing and relaxing with each passing minute. Sirius did not improve the situation when he asked what James had eaten that proved so chewy, and Remus did not improve Sirius' deductive reasoning when he hit him.

It was now clear no productive conversation was to be had in the presence of the Marauding Morons, so James, very stiffly, asked Lily to accompany him on a walk.

Of course, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were James' friends long before they were Lily's. Naturally, like any good friends would, they decided to make things difficult for him.

"A walk? That's the most inventive thing you can come up with?" Peter asked innocently.

"Is that what they're calling shagging now?" Remus asked, amused, and as if he was forty years older than the present company.

"May I come?" Sirius asked with idiotic enthusiasm. "May I please? Oh, come now, Lily, it is time to take Sirius out for a walk."

"If I didn't need all of you as best men," James warned them sternly, waiting for Lily to daintily finish her meal, "you'd all be dead."

"Best men for what?" Remus asked pointedly.

James wanted to ignore the rather incriminating question, but such an action would have forced him to acknowledge Black's comment, which was, "Oh go on. Let's be serious now–"

"Ha!" Peter laughed with delight. "Another pun."

"There can't be three best men. There can only be one best man, and two slightly less magnificent men. You'll have to choose. Keep in mind that I offered ring and license expenses."

"Sirius," James warned, absently offering Lily a hand as she arose from the bench, "if not for your frail, feminine health, I'm afraid I'd have to cause you intense, immediate pain."

This unmanning slander on his fortitude was enough to snap Sirius–and any self respecting man, really–out of his usual arrogance. "I'll have you know I have the manliest, unfrailiest–"

It was at that point that he could not continue, for James, having no further reason to restrain friend-on-friend violence, had flicked Sirius' Adam's apple, and left with Lily as his best mate attempted to recover.

"Oh, that was rude," Lily noticed as she observed Sirius clutching his throat with despair. Remus was watching him with mild interest and assuring Peter that pain helped with maturity.

James snorted as he led her out the doors. "Attempting politeness with Sirius Black is like using a transparency spell on the girl lavatory's walls. Everybody always ends up disappointed."

"What?"

"Um...Peter ate your sugar quill the other day!"

"Did he really?" Lily asked, allowing herself to be distracted, simply to indulge him.

"Yes," James happily answered, tugging her to the lake shore. They had both squinted when they had stepped from the cool shelter of the Hogwarts stone walls and into the warm beams of sunlight, but now the glittery reflections of the lake made them shield their eyes. James moved slightly in front of Lily, to help ease the irritating reflection. "And do you know why? Because Remus gave it to him."

"Oh."

"Yes. Regular pair of thieves, the two of them. I was disappointed upon learning it, you know, for I had such high hopes of Peter's morality."

"Of course." James suddenly noticed a tiny smile hinting on Lily's lips, and grinned wryly.

"Why do you let me say such rubbish, knowing it's not true?" he demanded with mock indignity.

"Just to see how far you'd go, really," she admitted, sitting on a large rock and not moving to make any room for him. James even made a great show of sighing forlornly, complaining of the tiredness of his legs, and still she did not budge, only glancing at him and the lake with tranquility. Finally, he spoke.

"Is it a vow of chastity then?" he asked gravely.

All tranquility was lost when Lily turned her green gaze to him. "I beg your pardon?"

"Why you don't want to marry me. You've vowed to never marry, is that it?"

She actually drew back in incomprehension. "No."

"A vow to the arts, is it? Devoting yourself on magical education with no time for matrimony?"

"James," she began impatiently, "why is it that, in my life, there are only two choices for my future: vows or you?"

He shrugged helplessly. "Well, what other possible explanation is there?"

Lily gave a pained groan, and looked at their peaceful surroundings with worry. This troubled James, who was attempting to find out why his love found his reasoning so anguishing, and he queried:

"Are you worried for our safety? Silly of you, I think. I'm here after all."

"Yes," she agreed in a calculating, distracted tone. "And _that's _the danger. Is there enough space in this field, you think, for your monstrous ego? Or will the inflating pomp of it all grow to damage the Quidditch pitch?"

"I beg your pardon?" James was ashamed to hear his voice take an unprecedented high pitch of affront, and so soon after accusing another of femininity too.

"Contrary to ridiculous belief," Lily began heatedly, "You are not the only man in the world. Simply because one is not ready to be eternally riveted at your side does not make one divinely nor educationally celibate."

"Chaste," he corrected her rather suspiciously. "You mean chaste, don't you?" When she only gave him a frighteningly murderous look, he continued, though, it must be noted, nothing resembling improvement came out of his mouth. "And, really, Lily, 'eternally riveted' at my side isn't at all flattering. You make me sound like a monster. Or a machine. Or something metal, through which things can be riveted."

"Do you know, I am tempted to propose to you," she sighed with a roll of her eyes, "just to see what eloquence you'd spout with the wedding vows."

"Don't you think I'd do a good job?" he asked, once more offended. "'Course, nobody would even care to hear my vows, considering all the ginormous words you'd put into yours. I wager half of those ten-minute words aren't even real, and you just make them up in your head, knowing that nobody would ever question Lily Evans and her insane vocabulary."

"Are you quite done?"

"No," he answered with equal politeness. "Further more, it doesn't matter what the hell I decide to babble on our wedding day, as it won't happen, because you'll be off venting your sexual and romantic frustrations on books and god, while I have to sit around and pine."

"You'd never pine for me after we graduate, James," she said, abruptly quite solemn. He did not catch the sudden earnestness, and only shrugged, unromantically shoving her aside so that he could sit as well.

"Most likely not. I'll probably get fantastically smashed every night, so as not to think about you, and not to think about being jealous of books and god. Though, to be truthful, I am already jealous of god, just a little bit, on account of seeing through walls and everything."

"Okay, you tell me what the hell you've attempted with the girl's lavatory walls, James Potter–"

"Extremely and annoyingly off topic, aren't we?" James quickly parried, pulling at his collar. "My word, the weather is appallingly warm today, isn't it?"

"So is the interrogation," Lily pointed out flatly.

"Am I to be treated as a criminal?" James demanded, standing once more to stand before her, arms akimbo. "Just who, I'd like to know, was voted most likely to become a convict after graduation?"

"It was a rigged vote between the four of you, Sirius nominated himself, and we both know that you've already had two unpaid unlawful magic fines!"

"That's no reason to imprison me...or fine me...or remind me, really, Lily..."

"Besides, you're the imbecile who dragged _me _out like a common criminal, simply so you could ensure the safety of your obese ego with your deplorably unsubtle conversation! I was simply trying to take your immaturity in stride, for people always say that I'm the serious student one and you're the handsome, mischievous one–which is absurd, clearly, for stupidity greatly decreases attractive qualities, not to mention the fact that people ignorant buffoons..."

James physically reeled back, so much so that he nearly stumbled into the lake. He raised his arms as if warding off unseen enemies. "My god," he gasped. "There...there are so many insults...I think I'm physically ill...Lily, tell me, are my pupils dilated–"

"If I were to start a list on your flaws, I would not start with your eyes," she told him dryly, unaffected by his charade. James awkwardly shuffled closer.

"Oh, I know you adore my eyes, Lily, but enough of the accurate flattery. Truly, I feel as if I may vomit, so wounded am I by my beloved's words–"

"James?"

"Yes, Lily?"

"I will never marry you, and never have children with you, because you have the mental capacity of a baboon, the grooming habits of a baboon, and the behaviour of a–"

"Baboon?" James finished dully, all joking aside now.

"No. The behavior of that baboon's inbred offspring. Good bye, James. I am going to finish my lunch and do not speak to me until you have something intelligent to say."

James stood frozen with disappointment as Lily turned away from him, not even flinching as her hair whipped at his eyes. Inwardly, he was amazed. Why was it so difficult to behave around her? Why was it so difficult to say what he wanted, instead of blathering on like an idiotic clown? It was just that...sometimes...Lily was always so right, so correct, so..._Lily_. James would wonder what harm would it do, really, to make a little joke, to act a little silly, and have Lily smile that smile that only he could see.

It was so small really, that it barely qualified as a smirk. The right corner of her lips would draw back–not up, because Lily didn't want to encourage his antics and give a full fledged smile. The smallest of dimples would appear in her cheek. The left eye brow lifted, ever so slightly, and her eyes...How he adored her eyes when she smiled that smile.

Now it looked as if he would never see it again, or, at least, for a very long time.

Something ought to be said. Something intelligent, just like she asked. Something witty, and apologetic, too. Sorry, Lily, I'm an arse who's afraid of commitment but even more afraid of losing you.

Yes, that sounded right. James quickly took a step forward.

The next words spoken between the two were:

"Oof! Damn it all!"

"Are you all right?" James asked, panicked, and quickly rushed to where Lily lay.

"No, James, don't–"

"Ouch, shit!" he exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder. In his hurry to see to Lily's well being, James Potter had rammed into something very solid and very invisible. Spying Lily's concerned expression, James glared at the empty space beside him. He shook a fist menacingly. "God damn you rock solid air!"

The pain in his shoulder was forgotten when, from her supine position, Lily merely giggled and shook her head. As he helped her to her feet, she asked him, "Is there anything you haven't asked god to condemn?"

"You," he answered easily. Then, before she could protest, he had slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close for a swift, sweet kiss. Against her lips, James smiled. This, like the Lily-smile, was something only he could know. How her mouth was always initially stiff, and then softened with an adorably shyness. How she sighed against his nibbles, how her body seemed to meld with his–

"Wait," she pulled away. Breathlessly, his mind noted with pride. "There are more important things to think about here."

That pride deflated somewhat. Things more important than snogging? James tightened his hold, ready to remedy her obvious miscalculation, when she pushed him away persistently.

"James! Don't you find it a bit odd that there is an invisible barrier keeping us from leaving this location?"

"Lily," he rejoined tiredly, "we are standing next to a lake full of mermaids and a giant squid, in the distance is a school for magical adolescents, and my best friend is a rabid werewolf. This invisible barrier is miraculously blasé considering our circumstances."

"Oy, did he just call me rabid?" a bush in the not-too-far away distance demanded.

"I thought he said avid," the adjacent, squat shrubbery replied.

"That's because you're an idiot," the darkest of the plant-life trio snorted. Then there was a short silence, during which James and Lily observed the quibbling hedges with amazement.

"Er..." the third spoke again, "I think they've noticed us."

"Well, if you two'd stop chattering like a pair of teenage girls–"

"Remus, that is a sexist comment and I expected more from you," James called out, with a smile. Not only did he have the rare opportunity to scold oh-so-perfect Remus, but he had the opportunity to do so in front of Lily.

"Well no wonder Lily's upset with him," the fat flora sighed forlornly. "James finds your comments sexy."

"Do you know, I think it's time Peter has had a Secret Hearing Test," Sirius told Lupin in all seriousness.

"Shut up!" Remus snapped. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! The point of spying is not being seen or heard! Just be a damn bush and act natural."

By this time, James and Lily had reseated themselves on the rock, and were observing the haphazard espionage with amusement. She turned to James with a bewildered look when the third bush began emitting cooing sounds.

"What on earth–Black, is a bird shitting on you?" James laughed.

"What? No! I'm making shrubbery noises."

If branches could have had facial expressions, Lily reckoned those other two plants' jaws had dropped to the ground by now.

"Shrubbery noises," Remus demanded. "How is it you've survived this long in life with such stupidity?"

"Yes," Peter agreed, sounding equally agog. "Because everybody knows bushes bark!"

"Trees," James idly corrected. Lily turned to him, interested. "Well, they have bark, don't they? In fact, want to hear a joke? Okay–"

"Wonderful," Sirius sighed. "He's going to propose to her with his funny-only-to-James jokes."

"You laughed at my fish-bartender joke!" James shouted. When his friends only responded with false appreciation, Potter had finally lost his temper. "That's it! Transfigure into your regular forms and go away! I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation with my girlfriend here!"

"Transfigure?" Sirius laughed.

Then, from _behind _the bushes that bizarrely matched their personalities, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black stood up from their crouched positions.

"You think we'd waste magic just to spy on you?" Remus scoffed, brushing some twigs from his trousers.

"Besides, I tried," Peter sighed.

"He couldn't get wood," Sirius smirked.

Both James and Lily rolled their eyes. "Boys," Lily ordered, "take away this silly barrier, go and wash your hands, and leave the two of us alone, please."

"Er..." Sirius began, "Not necessarily in that order, now, is it?"

Good old Lily, James thought to himself. All she had to do was give that scary, brewing look and just like that. The boys were gone. It usually cost James a bribe and a bruise to have them obey him like that, if ever.

"I've completely forgotten what we were talking about," Lily said in amazement. James stretched, and dropped an arm on her shoulder with comical subtlety.

"Talking was not necessary," James spoke soothingly, drawing her closer. Lily's green eyes narrowed but then brightened as he leaned down...

"Oh James! Classes!" Lily exclaimed, successfully dodging his lips and partially deafening him. She jumped to her feet, and gave a hearty tug of his hand to pull him along.

"Bloody hell," James groaned, annoyed. "I haven't spoken to you for at least eighteen hours and now that I have a chance to do so, nothing has been accomplished!" As she hurried across the field and past the makeshift spy shelters, Lily looked at him over her shoulder with an impish grin.

"Oh I wouldn't say that. We've established a few things. One, our friends are terrible when it comes to secrecy."

"I knew that already," James snorted sullenly.

"Two, you can be surprisingly disarming."

"Well, I knew _that _already. Didn't you?"

"Three...well, three..."

"Three, I can't do a thing without you and you can't do a thing without me."

"How on earth was that established?"

"It was implied, Lily, it was all implied. Read between the lines, my dear. Try to master subtlety, as I have."

"Yes. You were oh so suave when you bluntly declared you would never marry," she said teasingly as they crossed the threshold.

James made a noncommittal noise. "That's uncertain. But let's focus on the certain, shall we? We shall probably grow old together."

"More than likely," Lily agreed, restraining her smile to maintain a business-like manner.

"Because it would be damningly selfish of us to possess our good looks and not pass them on, we shall probably have children."

"A dozen or so," Lily murmured nonchalantly as they retrieved their books from the dining hall.

"Please. Two dozen. More to the point, Evans is such a dull last name. The children will want to have something with character, you know. Considering the options, I say they may take Potter, if they wish it."

"How generous," she laughed as they made their way to their classes.

"And, to show my gratitude for bearing the fruit of my loins, I may buy you jewelry. A ring, even, which you may wear on any finger you wish. But this," he advised, using his thumb to tickle the fourth finger of her left hand, "best features any sort of ring."

"I quite agree."

They came to the point where they were to separate; Lily was to dash up the tower while he had a class in the dungeons. Gravely, he slowed to a stop. Somewhere along the way, she had allowed him to lead the way, despite the fact that he was never as eager as she was to get to class. Amidst the mingling students, he pulled her close, and Lily looked up into see an oddly serious smile on his lips.

"But that does not mean you will marry me," he warned her mockingly.

"No," she agreed softly. "It just means we will be together forever."

James smiled sincerely now, with no mockery in his expression, and quickly kissed her cheek before leaving. As she stood in the hall, watching him depart, he noticed something lovely, something tiny, even as the distance grew greater.

The right side of her mouth. The dimple. The left eyebrow.

The Lily smile.

xoxox

Then again, those years hadn't always been like that. Absolutely wordless moments, utterly devoid of sounds and reason, during which he and Lily could not stop laughing. Moments during which the silence buzzed with intensity, and he and the boys quarreled and heartily wished each other to hell. Moments during which nothing in the world mattered, nobody at all, because he was sulky James Potter and they could all sod off.

No wonder his teenage years had been so exhausting. He sampled an array of insane emotions every day.

But he wasn't a teenager any more. Hell, he didn't even know if he qualified as a young man any more. These were the days of grown up planning. These were the evenings of mature fear.

People called these nights black, dark. A few said villains were the same way. And a broken heart bled a beautiful crimson against the dusk...

But he saw more than that. These nights were nothing more than bruised days, tired and lonely, apathetically allowing the sun to slip away while they healed. Those villains were myriads of shades, jagged combinations of fire and ice, perhaps hoping that, in the end, the right colour will shine through. And a broken heart was merely bleeding out the bad, the hurt, to make room for later happiness.

Then again, he reflected, he might be an optimist.

James stood, the heaviness in his chest suddenly melting away. Yes, that was what he wanted to remember her. That smile when he gave her his absurdly bombastic wedding vow. That smile when she first told him she was pregnant. That smile when they first heard Harry cry.

The world outside was shrouded in stars and grey, waiting, tense. But inside, as one man quietly accepted his fate, it was bright and hopeful, the ochre of a whimpering candle keeping him unsteady company. Lily and Harry...they would live, somehow. James didn't know if Reason agreed with him, but he had to believe it. He liked the thought of Harry growing old enough to appreciate his mother's smile. He liked the thought of Lily retelling that day to their young son, and hearing him laugh at his absent, silly father. He liked the thought of his wife and his son happy, together...alive.

For it was the loveliest thought in the world. One remembers and cherishes and clings to the lovely things of the world, when one leaves it.

xoxox

The End.


End file.
